Glad I did…

I didnt exactly get on the horse in which I spoke of before, but I did go near it. I put my fears aside and went closer. In other words, I reached out to him in a way that my mind briefly urged me not to. I dont want to stay stuck this way, ( You know afraid to get back on the saddle) my entire life. 

I reached out to him to let him know he is on my mind. I dont know why my hands were shaking as I dialed his number. I guess I had a hundred little devils on my shoulder telling me nothing will ever work in my favor. But I wanted to hear his voice to let him know that I do think of him and that my prayers are with him. We have gone back and fourth latley and I want to go soooo slow.  I want things to be in Gods will, because I have to often made that mistake.  But I do like him, and I am training my heart to be still. To be still…to be patient, because time tells all….

Hes afraid to take another rider, and I am afraid to ride….How ironic I guess you can say… But I like him. That fact hit me a little bit ago. I was actually proud of myself for admitting that. Proud that I reached out despite the bad situataions I have endured in my lifetime. I am glad I did. I was greeted with a very warm reception and a follow up that I didnt expect. Guess he didnt want to make the move first but doesnt mind going second. ( I suppose we are all trying to protect ourselves)

I dont know what time will eventually tell me but what I do know is that I feel like riding ~ yet proceeding with the utmost caution…….

Resiliance of a child

I thought about something this morning.  I thought about the times when I was a child and I would try things for the first time. Things like rollar blading, bike riding (without training wheels) etc… I thought about how I would fall down, cry, scrape my flesh but get back up again and do it all over again.

My heart still has that resiliance but my mind is more reserved. My heart still want to run on as though the fall did not happen, but my mind holds onto the pain and attempts to protect my heart from more. My heart is the child and my mind is the parent. But the one mistake that parents often make is being over protective. If they never allow thier children to fall, then they will never learn.

I feel in my heart like moving forward. Getting back on the horse and attempting to ride again. A large part of me wants to really learn the ride, despite the amount of times I have fallen off.  I have a horse in mind.  But I ask myself is it too soon to ride again. Its easier to listen to my mind and leave him be.  Hes seems to be a pretty decent horse from what I know. A little brusied from the amount of riders hes subjected himself to.  A little resistant to new comers and very reserved. I guess hes had his share of falls as the rest of us.

I cant predict the future of much. All I can do is apply wisdom and prayer. Take things slow, pay attention to the signs, and breathe.  I want to ride again, despite the fear and my parental mind. I want to regain that resiliance of a child.

 

 

Sapp7

 

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder if this is all there is. Perpetual lessons with no silver lining in the end. Sometimes I wonder what the whole point really is.  Rain after rain with no rainbow. They say the rainbow is the one you make for yourself. But what if you really dont know how? Sometimes I wonder if this is all to it. The best that life has. Everything and everyone seems the same. Is there really more to it then this ~ Is this all in vain? Sometimes I wonder.

A sure Way to Happiness

A Sure Way to a Happy Day

by Helen Steiner Rice

Happiness is something we create in our minds, It is not something you search for and so seldom find - It is just waking up and beginning the day By counting our blessings and kneeling to pray - It is giving up wishing for things we have not And making the best of whatever we’ve got - It is knowing that life is determined for us, And pursuing our tasks without fret, fume, or fuss - For it’s by completing what God gives us to do That we find real contentment and happiness too.

Another Day – Another chance

What will you do with this day that God has given? Will you see it for the gift that it is, or will you taken it for granted as we have done with yesterday? Will you achieve a dream or two or will you file a complaint? Will you do what you have always wanted or will you sit and ponder on what could have been?

WIll you say a prayer today or will you look past the heavens yet again? Will you thank him for the blessings he has given or will you continue to make requests without thinking of the ones that has been granted? WIll you harbor more hurt from yesterday or will you let go for a better today?

 

This is another day and another chance for you to:

Love, live, experience, forgive, forget, dream, achieve, pray, empathize, sympathize, travel, care, breathe

 

 

Make it a G-R-E-A-T day

 

Sapp7

Rebuilding…

Ok I am so excited……

I have a friend whom has been a photographer for me in the past to help me build my portfolio. He just started a local magazine that he put me in. After talking with him I found that he needs to sell copies of the mag as well as ads. I offered to be the VP of sales for the Magazine as well as the one whom would be in charge of putting together the launch party.

One thing about me, when I give of myself I do so 100% so I am happy to give myself to this project. I really have alot going on with school, work, and now this but I am so happpy to rebuild my life by having things put in front of me that I enjoy.

My next idea for him is to place the magazine online for the purposes of advertisement. WIth the help of the Lord, I feel this really can work well.

Oh and did I mention I am trying out for this Years Ebony Fashion Fair Troupe?  I am learning to rebuild…..I am learning that life is truly what you make it…..

Now Im going to work out, pray and then go to bed…

*Goodnight*

 

 

Sapp7

Ebony Fashion Fair

Ok Queens (ladies)

I think I am gonna do it. I have been asked to do it for some years now and I have ignored the idea. I came up with every excuse as to why not. But what the hey. There is no gurantee that I will be selected but why not.

I am offically going to apply to become an Ebony Fashion Fair Model!  I did a promotional show for them back in Feb so hopefully I can get a hook-up ( yea I know black folks always want a ”Hook-Up”) LOL – But it is sometimes about who you know (especially with us).

So wish me luck…life is short – gotta live it right???  

 

 

*Make it a GREAT day*

 

 

Sapp7

 

 

 

Treat youself to a bite of the BIG apple

I am so Excited! I am going to treat myself next weekend to a taste of the big apple! NYC here I come.  I was having lunch this afternoon in union station (Chicago’s main train station) when I saw the  huge display letting people know what times the trains were due for departure as well as arrival.  And thats when I saw the one for NYC. I abolutely LOVE New York and I miss it badly. I want to go back. So I said to myself, lets just go. So I booked a flight (Nope, cant do a train ride that long…lol) and the rest is history. I am on my way…

Alot of my family is there (as well as New Jersey) and I miss them as well. I get to see my baby cousin (hes so adorable) and my dad.  But most of all I get to walk the streets, shop, flirt, dance, and feel alive in the BIG APPLE. If that towns just an apple, then Im gonna take a huge bite!

Its calling my name……has for quite sometime now.  It truly never sleeps. The energy there is so profound and great. Nothing like the midwest, which is do dead and boring. Well anyway NYC I hear ya calling and next weekend Im gonna answer. Oh yea, I have a really great fashion photo shoot there as well.  Now this is what lifes all about!

Have yourselves a great evening…

 

*Make it a great day*

 

Sapp7